You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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