So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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