I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
