I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
