Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
