you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
