So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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