Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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