FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
