I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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