I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
