Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we made out on top of his cat.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
