did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
