I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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