you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
