Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
