Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
