If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am naked and annoyed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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