Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
