I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
