So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
