Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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