I will die if light touches me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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