Having a random hookup so left but love u
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
