I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
don't judge my taste in strippers
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
