There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He did a backflip because drugs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
