I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
