i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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