Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
