my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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