My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
