did you get engaged???
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize