Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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