i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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