I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
