If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
