I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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