Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cut my penus on the lid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
