Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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