During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
vagina is talking i cant
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
