We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
