taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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