I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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