I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
