One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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