I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
