This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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