So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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