it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
