Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
