i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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