Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
