As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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