is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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