dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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