Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
