I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
