I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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