I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
