Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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