sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
