After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
