I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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