I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
