i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
