o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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