i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
