Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
