Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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