You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
