Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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