the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
