bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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