I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
