My brain says no but my pants say off.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
