She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
