i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had sex on a roof
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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