I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
