I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
