Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
