how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
