Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
