I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize