I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
