We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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