Dual....:-)
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
