pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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