oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
