I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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