Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
