Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize