who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
