Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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