I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
