sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
