Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
