Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
