Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
