I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
