You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
