I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
